By Flo Mauri, Thinking Well Consulting

Have you ever come across someone at work whose behavior is quite rude and appalling and yet he/she passes under the radar. It’s as if the behavior is not seen and yet it takes a distressing toll on the workplace. Below the waterline behavior has been defined as “actions such as making false accusations, glaring, discounting others’ ideas, backbiting, gossiping, constantly criticizing, giving people the silent treatment, making impossible demands, etc. All are examples of not treating people with the respect they deserve.” Bullies, in particular, tend to single out their intended targets when no one is watching. A bully is someone who has found a behavior that works because he or she has identified opportunities and others as victims. As my mentor would say, you cannot have a tyrant without a victim. This speaks to a victim mindset. We have all read stories and have seen movies where one day, the “victim” stands his/her ground and confronts his/her harasser.

In the “Shawshank Redemption,” the “victim,” Andy Dufresne, took about 20 years to achieve his deliverance from his aggressors, the warden and a guard. There were mitigating circumstances. In the end, he not only escaped, but made it possible for others to be freed from all future transgressions by the aggressors. It was beautiful to watch.

The hero, Andy, defies the warden and is repeatedly punished. He figures out another way to release himself from this tyranny and this has a profound retribution effect on his bullies. He escapes, reaches the river and is washed clean of his past by the rain – above the waterline, while his nemesis is symbolically drowning below the waterline (his bad behavior takes a toll). The lasting take-away from this tale, is that redemption works both ways. There is a kind of karmic dust sprinkled on both villain and hero.

Sometimes confronting clonidine sleeping prescription the bully takes on a more indirect approach. Breaking the chains in which tyrannical bullies encircle the workplace require a commitment to self. How important is it to your well-being and happy state of mind?

In the book “Crucial Confrontations,” there’s a piece about deciding when to speak up and there are three questions to help you decide. We can always find reasons for remaining silent and we know that it often leads to unresolved problems. Ask yourself the following to make sure you’re not avoiding something you should confront:
• Am I acting out my concern?
• Am I telling myself I’m helpless?
• Is my conscience nagging me?

Taking action may require support from others, and external resources to help you. When you do take action, remember your triumph and congratulate yourself on standing your ground.

November has now included a Freedom From Bullies in the Workplace Week — a national awareness movement sponsored by Workplace Bullying Institute to eradicate bullying by combining public education, help for individuals, employer solutions and legislative advocacy. In many workplaces this bellow the waterline behavior is not easily identified. It does not fall into the category of sexual, racial, gender orientation harassment — but we know it exists!

One of the tenets of coaching is to respect the client’s humanity. This goes beyond giving the respect people deserve. It embraces the concept that we see the foibles, flaws, issues and behaviors of others in the light of the journey we are all taking and know that we are all at different intersections and even on different roads and to respect where people are at any given point in time. Nevertheless, we can set boundaries and teach others not to cross them.

I welcome your thoughts, and/or your story of a journey you have made or are making regarding bullies in the workplace. Leave comments at Chart Your Change.

Website: www.thinkingwellconsulting.com
Blog: www.flomauri01.wordpress.com