Stop People Pleasing and Be the Star You Are!

by Doris Helge, Ph.D. © 2009

Have you ever said “Yes” when you wanted to say “No?” Have you ever been angry because your needs were ignored? Your self-esteem will soar when you stop being who you think you should be and shine as the star you are. Begin now because the world is starved for your unique talents.


If you try to please other people, a tune titled, “I Need to Be Accepted” is rumbling through your mind. People-pleasing behaviors emerge when we feel insecure or lack self-respect. We waste time and energy struggling to be who we think someone else expects us to be.

People pleasing is a reliable recipe for failure. Even if we please the other person, because we aren’t being who we really are, we only gain conditional approval. Sooner or later  –  usually at a very inconvenient time  –  our façade crumbles. The approval we struggled to gain vanishes like a feather in a hurricane.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance are the antidotes for people pleasing. When we’re true to ourselves, we radiate confidence that others respect, even if they don’t want to be best buddies because we don’t resonate with them.

When you’re authentic, you love all of your bumps, bulges, warts, and wrinkles. Your inner critic takes a hike. Since you approve of yourself, you’re immune to the opinions of others. You enjoy deep inner peace, even if other people throw verbal spears or harsh looks toward you.


Notice when you belittle yourself by placing someone else’s priorities above yours. What are you trying to achieve by making choices you don’t like?

Are you struggling to fit into a certain group by cramming yourself into a square hole when you’re a beautiful shining star? Is it frightening to acknowledge how capable you are?

Self-awareness will help you alter patterns that don’t serve you. Over time, you’ll discover that meeting your needs is best for everyone concerned.


Share your authentic self with others. The world will be much more supportive because you’ll attract people who are genuinely interested in you. They’ll perceive and appreciate your special gifts.

Being true to yourself is one of the greatest services you can provide. Without saying a word, your heartfelt presence will encourage others to be authentic. One by one, two by two, sincere and honest people will create a kind and gentle world by living their truth.


Until you muster the courage to stop hiding your true self under the veil of who you think you’re supposed to be, your inner flame will be so dim that you’ll never grasp how brilliant you are. Once you decide to be genuine, the special light that only you can shine will glow with a radiance that will astound you.

Surround yourself with support. Friends and family sometimes feel threatened when you change. You show them a mirror of how they could grow. When you hire a professional coach, you’re loving yourself enough to ensure that you’re supported by someone who believes in your ability to achieve your dreams. Your coach will offer you objective feedback and nurture your growth.

Visit now and GET YOUR FREE  EBOOK:  “Get  the  Respect & Appreciation You  Deserve.”  Doris Helge, Ph.D. is “The Joy Coach.” Dr. Helge is 100% dedicated to your happiness and success.

©  2009. This article was excerpted with permission from “Transforming Pain Into Power” by Doris Helge, Ph.D.  Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is in tact, with proper credit given.  All reprints must state “Reprinted with permission by Doris Helge, Ph.D.  Originally published in “Joy on the Job,” © 2009. Download sample chapters at:

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